Archive for religious life

To Let Go

September 16, 2007 · Filed under Life, The becoming, reflection, religious life · Tagged

There are things that you must realize and accept as absolute truths when you are discerning the Will of God, or at least that’s what I’ve decided, especially in the context of the religious life. My most recent, and somewhat obvious discovery- is abandonment in all things, and giving all to the Will of God… no matter how challenging. It’s nice to say, “yes I want to give all that I am to God”, but it is another- and a much more present and challenging reality to truly abandon yourself completely to God’s providence, Mercy, God’s Will and His Love. A true “yes!” is a daily one… moment to moment- fiat. To feel that you must do this on your own- means disaster and spiritual drowning.  All things done with Him, because we are NOTHING without His love and Grace. With this, I have learned that all is a grace- every suffering, every point of discouragement, every joy.  These are only a means of getting closer to our one true Love. He who is Love personified and glorified. My prayer is to always keep faithful in this belief- because I will never for once deny that I am weak and imperfect in countless ways.

Letting go has so many ways of manifesting itself within my life. Detachment from friends and family is no easy task, but every rose has its thorn… with that like Guns and Roses got it right. Leaving the “things” behind that make us feel accomplished, safe and secure are no longer necessary.. because Christ must be the only thing that fulfills us and our only necessity. In reality… when you get right down to the heart of the matter- what more could you want?? He is all there is, the source and summit- Love. Habits and ways of behavior must be let go of, and He must take over within us. I must decrease, and He must increase… Thank you John the Baptist =) he got it right.

So far the road less traveled isn’t easy, yet not half bad… but it is loveable in it’s own peacful sense of belonging and purpose. There is an unrest placed within me that in many ways is very beneficial. There is  a longing and a certainty for need of growth and improvement. Without that feeling of necessity for improvement- how will we ever arrive at a place where God wants us? It is not a struggle with God’s will.. but rather a striving to achieve it.

In short, I’m just letting Go and letting God.

Peace to you all… for what I have I wish to give to others =)

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2000 miles and one left turn…

May 9, 2007 · Filed under Life, religious life, turning points · Tagged , ,

SO I was listening to the radio the other day… and the dial stopped on this counrty station that I almost NEVER listen to. I’m not a huge country fan, but the lyrics just seem to fit my thoughts perfectly. Below is a bit of the song that I heard, and the part that made the most sense. -

“and its a long way from here,                                   to the place where the home fires burn
well its two thousand miles and one left turn…
…welll I love you more than anything in the world,
Love your baby girl”

I’m moving to California in 3 months! AHHHHH!! In all honesty… I’m pretty darn scared. Ya know how everyone at some point dreams of moving to the place farthest away form their small town childhood home? Well I had those dreams too, sure who wouldn’t? I’ve decided that when push comes to shove, the adventure of moving so far away looses it’s glimmer and attraction to fear. The up side is it’s not like I’m just moving away without anywhere to go or anyhting like that, that’ll all be taken care of. So that aspect is fabulous. I’m also fairly used to being away from home, and have been for a long time- thank youuuu Camp Auxilium. :-) The catch is, I haven’t been on a plane since I was 9, and I’ve NEVER been this far from home, and this time, I’m moving OUT! As in, not going back, leaving the nest, getting out of the bubble that is Scranton,  leaving my family for good. This is ccrrrraaazy! I can’t believe that the time is here and now. We’re jsut standing on the edge of the abyss that is life, waiting to dive in.

I hope I remember my parachute, because I dont’ plan to hit bottom any time soon- that’s all I can say.

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A story written ages ago, but written for me!

March 7, 2007 · Filed under Crisis, God, Life, Moods, Mother Mazzarello, Prayer, Religion, The becoming, aspirancy, fear, religious life, stepping stones, turning points, youth

Good Morning!

Here i am, sitting in trig not paying attention and writing in my blog rather than paying attention. I’m a second semester senior, we’ve all developed some sort of allergy to doing school work. Although, I must say, despite that fact that we’re all so unwilling to work, we still getting just as much work as before. The quarter ends in 2 weeks, and I’m screwed- let’s just leave it at that.

So my good friend Brittany sent me a very fitting email yesterday, I needed to hear what it said just as I recieved it, funny how timing and Providence works right? Here’s the little quote:

One day a postulant ran into her room. On the verge of tears, she exclaimed: “Mother, I have to go home – today!”

Mother Mazzarello looked up in surprise. “Why, my dear, what’s wrong?”

Gradually the story came in bits between sobs, a combination of homesickness, and childish worry. Mother explained it all to her.

“But I still want to go home!” the girl protested.

“Well, now, there is no sense in dashing off before you even know your own mind. Why don’t you stay with us for month on vacation? Then we’ll pray together, and if you want to return home after that, I’ll go with you myself. How’s that?”

The girl agreed. She stayed and became a wonderful Salesian sister!

This story is basically the story of my life at this point. I’m nothing mroe than a nervous child. I know what i’m getting myself into but faultering under the stresses of my youth. I lack perfect trust, this will come with time and effort but for now I can only ask for strength in doing the will of God. I’m just a kid on a lot of levels but with the inspiration of the Divine- I can’t fail , right?? Well, I don’t think so- not at this rate anyway!

Currently, I’m working my way through writing my autobiography. Writing my autobiography is a requirement of the application for the order, so I’m def not doing this out of my own choosing. It’s not as terrible as I thought however, you can’t help but be very introspective when writing this. There are so many events in my life that I consider significant but have never really recounted on my own in any sort of depth. I guess one of the purposes of the autobiography is to recount how you developed into the person that you are. This includes vocational turning points, relationships, spiritual life, etc etc. It’s all about self-awareness. I feel so lucky to have had so many positiive influences placed in my life. Without these people I don’t think that I would have developed into the person that I am today. Everything happens for a reason and writing this autobiography has only cemented that in my mind.

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This is me…

March 4, 2007 · Filed under God, Life, Mother Mazzarello, Prayer, Religion, experiences, insanity, religious life, youth

my kinda nuns, hehe ;-)Okay so, here it is- my blog, the one thing I avoided because I’m such a terrible journaler.. I owe that to my attention span worthy of a gnat. Oh well, life moves on… So people have been bugging me to get a blog for ages so here it is- my submission to not so terrible peer pressure. I think this may be a good way to release my little emotional outburts ( whether sane or insane) on something other than a person. No one person needs to feel the brunt of my rants– thus is my reason for starting a BLOG!

 So let me tell you a tiny bit about myself. I just turned 19 and I live in the slow hell that I like to call Lake Ariel, PA- it’s right outside of Scranton. I go to the Scranton Preparatory School and I’m trudging my way through the second semester of my senior year. Overall Prep isn’t half bad… i’m just, done with high school at this point, if you get my drift. I’m a dancer, I love broadway and all musicals, I have a great time teaching a great group of munchkins in CCD at my church and I love my family more than anything!

I’m ususally a pretty optimistic and upbeat person, however I may rant alot in this blog… so you all may be often subject to my not sooptimistic side… so forwarning. 

Lots of people have been asking what my plans are for after high school.. well I’ll tell you now- Get readddy!!

Yes, I went to a college Prep school, but I wont’ be going straight to college! (this may shock and appall you) haha-  God and I have different plans. I’ve asked to enter the Salesian Sisters of St John Bosco, and God willing I will be entering the convent on August 4th 2007! Nothing like breaking the mold of a prep school kid like entering the convent right out of high school! It will be a challenge, but one that I am willing to take on wholeheartedly. What better than to be counter cultural in a world so needy of change?

You ask: “Why would you do such a crazy thing!?”.. well, if you knew what I knew, and you felt what I felt… you’d be making the same crazy decision that I am! Everyone searches for that one thing in like that will complete them, that one this that will sustain a level of happiness and fill that “God sized vacuum”  People sometimes take their whole lives to satisfy this void. I’m so happy to say that I have found my one thing, the one thing that completes who I am, and who I’m meant to be. I want to give of myself completely, with no reservations, to God through the young and the poor. There is nothing that would make me happier. No, I have not made a simple job choice, but a complete lifestyle choice that transcends from this life to the next. I may only be 19, but I know what I’m doing, and why I’m doing it. I’m doing it because I’m meant to, I’m doing this because God wants me too, and I’m with Him on this one, so here it goes- ALL or nothing!

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