October 12, 2007
· Filed under reflection · Tagged Music, people
“Another Place To Fall”
Are you blind
Blind to me trying to be kind
Volunteering for your firing line
Waiting for one precious sign
The flicker of a smile
You should try it just once in a while
Maybe it’s not quite your style
It’s simply too easy to do
And you might not see it through
Are you proud
To have founded a brand new behaviour
With hatred and hurt as your saviour
But nobody’s choosing to follow
So you choke back the tears and you swallow
Men who have ruined your life
You consume them with minimum strife
But now you have got indigestion
The antacid comes as a question
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don’t see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Are you alive
Is there a young woman hiding inside
Does she know that we’re trying to help her
Is she totally frozen with fear
If you let her come out for a day
She might even like it and stay
But it’s gonna take you to invite her
Coz you seem so determined to spite her
Find yourself
There isn’t much more I can say
For I don’[t understand the delay
You’re asking for friendly advice
And remaining in permanent crisis
Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your mask
When you’re back’s turned I’ve decided I’ll throw it away just like I did
Find yourself
And so there it is, my life in song. Take it how you will- but honesty is key. All we have is authenticity and for me- few things are better experienced and expressed than in music. I don not live to please people- I am who I am because of who God placed in my life, I am who I am for His sake. I live to please God, and if that somehow isn’t apparent to you- so be it, His opinion is the only one that matters. Tell it like it is. Grab the bull of life by the horns and hold on with all you’ve got. Seek and ye shall find, one way or another. Ask and the answer will be given to you- whether you like it or not. Find the path God has chosen for you, and adhere yourself to what you feel God wants you to do and become- with all your heart, mind and soul. NIENTE TI TURBI!
September 16, 2007
· Filed under Life, The becoming, reflection, religious life · Tagged detachment
There are things that you must realize and accept as absolute truths when you are discerning the Will of God, or at least that’s what I’ve decided, especially in the context of the religious life. My most recent, and somewhat obvious discovery- is abandonment in all things, and giving all to the Will of God… no matter how challenging. It’s nice to say, “yes I want to give all that I am to God”, but it is another- and a much more present and challenging reality to truly abandon yourself completely to God’s providence, Mercy, God’s Will and His Love. A true “yes!” is a daily one… moment to moment- fiat. To feel that you must do this on your own- means disaster and spiritual drowning. All things done with Him, because we are NOTHING without His love and Grace. With this, I have learned that all is a grace- every suffering, every point of discouragement, every joy. These are only a means of getting closer to our one true Love. He who is Love personified and glorified. My prayer is to always keep faithful in this belief- because I will never for once deny that I am weak and imperfect in countless ways.
Letting go has so many ways of manifesting itself within my life. Detachment from friends and family is no easy task, but every rose has its thorn… with that like Guns and Roses got it right. Leaving the “things” behind that make us feel accomplished, safe and secure are no longer necessary.. because Christ must be the only thing that fulfills us and our only necessity. In reality… when you get right down to the heart of the matter- what more could you want?? He is all there is, the source and summit- Love. Habits and ways of behavior must be let go of, and He must take over within us. I must decrease, and He must increase… Thank you John the Baptist =) he got it right.
So far the road less traveled isn’t easy, yet not half bad… but it is loveable in it’s own peacful sense of belonging and purpose. There is an unrest placed within me that in many ways is very beneficial. There is a longing and a certainty for need of growth and improvement. Without that feeling of necessity for improvement- how will we ever arrive at a place where God wants us? It is not a struggle with God’s will.. but rather a striving to achieve it.
In short, I’m just letting Go and letting God.
Peace to you all… for what I have I wish to give to others =)
April 26, 2007
· Filed under Life, priorities, reflection · Tagged inventory
I’m Taking inventory of where our real priorities lie- there’s a big difference between where they ARE and where they should be. I think I’m maybe the best example of this- I was up until 2am the other day finishing an assignment, and I was banking on have a STRONG cup of coffee in the morning. Long story short, there was no time for coffee- and I was a cranky little brat all morning because of it. I let my daily dose of caffiene, or lack there of, ruin my morning. How insignificant it turned out to be in the long run- but I still managed to let it start my morning off on the wrong foot. I’ve got to get over the little things, and learn to take these little details in stride. However, when I need to get over being a brat, so does the rest of the world. Just yesterday, I got called to the dean of students for not turning a library book in on time. The dean of students at prep is not someone you want to get called to by any means- she either expels you, gives you JUG, or just repremands you for your petty crime. When I think of going to see the dean of students- it’s usually for no weak offense. The typicial offenders at that office are usually the heavy partiers, the cheaters and the more serious offenders. NOT people who keep a library book past it’s due date. maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but I think it was a little over the top.
I’m sorry to complain so much- I’m on a rant again, I know. I think I’ve just been very restless lately, I cant’ really say why, I just wish i could stop stressing.
There just has to be more than all of these things that seem so insignificant and lame. What’s stressing me out?- stuff that doesn’t matter!- My dance teacher is not so happy with me, and I’m stressing over our show coming up. She expects dance to be my life and the only thing that I care about. There was a time when this was the case in my life and whenever I had a free afteroon it would be spent in the studio working because I loved what I did and couldn’t get enough of it. Now, there is so much more to love. Over time and as you grow the things that once fulilled you no longer fill the void, you must broaden your horizons and move on. It is fact, that these days there are bigger fish to fry than dance and the studio. I must readjust my stressors according to my priorities. Hopefully then I can relax a bit, and actually do what I want to.
April 16, 2007
· Filed under God, Life, Music, Prayer, Religion, reflection · Tagged beatles, george harrison, ipod
So…I was listening to my iPod on the way home from Jersey today and there was one song and one set of lyrics that just seemed so in sync with my thoughts! I often identify well with music, for me it conveys every emotion very well. The song that stuck was George Harrison’s “What is Life” and the key lyrics for me were-
“Tell me, what is my life without Your love?
Tell me, who am I without You, by my side?”
I interpret things on my own terms from time to time, and this is a prime example. If you’ve got a fine tuned eye for details, you may have noticed that I capitalized the “You’s” In my mind- You stands for God in this particular quotation. Who are we without God with us? Who are we without his love? The answer is NO ONE!- and NOTHING! Strength comes from “the man upstairs” plain and simple, and so much relies on that. Me with my many imperefections- I’m learning this by living it- you can only rely on God to give you the love that you must give to others, and only in God can we find true strength and trust. For me personally… life falls apart without a strong relationship with God. I dont’ mince words when I say “falls apart”… I mean it! Over break – I got some GREAT advice from one of the Sisters- she said you must always have a strong relationship with Mary and an even stronger one with Christ in the Eucharist- without that, there is nothing. Definately the best advice I’ve heard in a LONG time! It just goes to show, that all things, even george harrison songs take on new meaning for what ever situation you are given. 
What can I say- I was taught by jesuits- I can’t help but find God in all things!
March 9, 2007
· Filed under Life, Moods, Music, Prayer, Religion, experiences, fear, reflection, stepping stones, turning points, youth
thanks to Buffalo Springfield for my title, it seems to fit my life right now- or at least my emotion of the day. Despite my constant rants, I’m happy most of the time- I just don’t need to write them down quite as much as i need to vent the stressful times. So that’s your forewarning.
The song was originally written to express the turmoil of the early 60’s but for me- it’s the struggle of my will, His will and how I’m going to get there in one piece. Let’s begin by saying, I’m the most indecisive person alive on the planet. Example draws- I go to visit shoes before I can decide if I want to buy them or not, seriously, same goes with large resurtaunt menu’s and outfit choices. Thank God I wear a uniform and have done so for the past 13 years, I think that has kept my morning routine just a little bit more sane. Who ever would’ve thought that over the course of one week in December I would have made the single most important decision of my life. How’d that happen?! I know GOd was highly involved, so I guess I should put my questioning to the side and just give in to it. You feel firm and confident in your decisions one day, but the next- you’re terrified that you’ll fail. That doesnt’ mean I’m going to let my fear impede my entrance, it just means I’m a wimp, and I need to be gently nudged. That’s the real world though, and oddly enough that’s just what the drama director had to say to me this morning- while I had the worst morning of my week, all she could say was “Welcome to the real world, little girl- don’t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out!” Obviously that’s what I WANTED to hear, c’mon- what else would have been more comforting on one of those mornings were even a new zit could bring you to tears?? Yes, that’s the kind of morning that I had- I cried about burnt coffee. Lame, I know. I’m an emotional wreck- there’s no easy way to put it.
I blame STRESS! School, insane family, APPLICATION!, friends, and jsut frustration with high school and all that it entails at this point. All these things are slowly causing my downfall.
Okay, end of rant- I’m going to go cry over something lame and prepare fr PARADE day tomorrow… because that’s the only good thing that ever happens in Scranton.
